* Official Statement: Dinosaurs
Posted on August 24th, 2007 by God. Filed under The Lord God Almighty.
I am well aware that the subject of dinosaurs has led to some confusion amongst staff and consumers alike. This is regrettable and something that I should have cleared up a long time ago. In the spirit of transparency and accountability that the platform of this blog offers, I would like explain just what dinosaurs are and why they are there.
I can now confirm that dinosaurs are there to test your FAITH™.
When I began this undertaking I very soon realised, I think it was on the evening of day 6, that I would need a mechanism for assessing customer loyalty and so I developed FAITH™ or Future Activity Intrinsic Trust Hormone. This hormone, located at the base of the spine, just above your buttocks, indicates your current loyalty towards my organisation and gives me vital information about how I am performing.
The idea was to, at regular intervals:
- implement a due diligence programme
- check my performance
- see if the hormone was working correctly.
Up until the middle of the 19th century I was receiving a constant flow of FAITH™ data and could adjust my service to the needs of my customers. However, around 1820, I discovered some anomalies in the data and by 1830 the data had become very confusing so I decided to test your FAITH™ with the most ridiculous objects I could come up with; dinosaurs.
The results were shocking. The research programme showed that the hormone was not working properly and that by the end of the 21st Century the hormone would cease to function completely.
I have been working on a range of new Trust Hormones, but most of those are still in Beta and are not expected to be released until the summer of 2012.
Corporate Transparency
Faith
Dinosaurs
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8 Responses to “Official Statement: Dinosaurs”
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August 24th, 2007 at 10:04 am
Now it makes sense…
August 24th, 2007 at 10:28 am
Are you telling me you were just winding me up? Have you any idea how long it took me to get that damn thing out of the ground?
August 24th, 2007 at 11:55 pm
is the release of the new trust hormone expected to coincide with the london olympics then?
August 26th, 2007 at 7:01 pm
does that hormone coincide with reproductive systems then? So the more we enjoy our FAITH, the more babies? The more babies, the worse off for babies without FAITH? Can you buy FAITH like Viagra? And hence, is that the reason for all the FAITH-ful living together, populating like mad, not believing in dinosaurs?
August 27th, 2007 at 6:43 am
Lauren - No
Collyn - No
August 27th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
I love Dinosaurs, yay for the bum hormone
August 28th, 2007 at 7:49 am
Oh God…thank you for making this so clear to me now, the great lizards were here as a little bum hormone test. Everything is so clear now
I heard there is a supplement hormone, that helps the production of FAITH, its called Proper-Reliable-Obligatory-Organon-Foundation or PROOF. This gland is found in between the 2nd and 3rd toes and is stimulated by jumping on your head with a pink streamer wrapped around your leg, whilst bleating with the other sheep and saying Governments help people.
August 28th, 2007 at 8:10 am
WOW, i see the light finally!! Now i understand that my lack of faith in the ridiculous must be due to the underdeveloped gland between my toes… I was told it was just a test of faith, i will consult my physician to see if the gland can be stimulated..now i know that the fossils i have at home are just funny rock features resembling anchient bones to test my FAITH gland!!
Dear God, i appreciate this effort you are making in becoming accesible to the masses through the use of the internet… These posts are more reliable than prayers.. I think my prayers were getting lost in the post or something.. I think in the interest of corporate trancparency and accountability you should explain how the earth is only 6 to 10 thousand years old. is it also a test of FAITH (TM) …? sincerely, your unquestioning faithful servant!!!
p.s send my regards to jesus and the ghost!